- Captain America: The Winter Soldier - April 4
- The Amazing Spider-Man 2 - May 2
- X-Men: Days Of Future Past - May 23
- Guardians of the Galaxy - August 1
And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”
And Abraham replied, “What.”
God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”
To which they responded, “Gay.”
And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.
see you all in hell
one difference between cats and dogs is that dogs do absolutely nothing to mask their clinginess while cats pretend it’s a coincidence they’re in the same room as you 97% of the time
why the hell are toilets so loud?!! like i’m half asleep and then i flush and it’s like a fucking mariachi band just started playing in my house at 3 am
I wonder if anybody’s actually had feelings for me, like actually got upset or mad over little things I did and got jealous and confused over me and thought about me on a regular basis. I feel like I’m the only person that ever really cares about anyone and that nobody’s ever felt that way for me.